“When I get lonely these days, I think: So, BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” Elizebeth Gilbert
This quote really hit me hard and I think it has now more than ever. What I have come to learn is that loneliness has a lot to do with our perceptions – it’s possible to feel a sense of loneliness even though you’re surrounded by people you may know and also (the most obvious) to feel alone with little to no social contact.
Over the last few months I had experienced an overwhelming sense of loneliness, triggered by the chaos around COVID and the lockdowns it has to offer. My personal tipping point was the extension of working from home and celebrating some of the bigger holidays (such as Christmas and the New Year) in a more isolated manner which got the best of me. But, it was in these dark moments that I was forced to move out of my comfort zone and find out more about Lisa. I was forced to learn how to truly be alone without having to put the blame on anyone else for feeling the way I do. I had to learn to take control of these feelings and become comfortable with myself, enough to want to enjoy my own company even more!
This is not for the faint hearted (haha, but seriously). The interesting part about this self discovery was that I felt like I no longer had to unnecessarily fill my life with people just for the sake of not wanting to be alone. Mind you this realization only happened around my twenty-ninth birthday. Every year before this, it was weeks of planning a crazy birthday celebration; putting together lists of people to invite, booking venues or large dinners with friends (and acquaintances) just to feel like you matter or that you are worthy of being celebrated. Truth is, with or without those people – it’s still just you and you STILL should be celebrating just YOU and you alone. As mentioned earlier, we can feel lonely even when surrounded by people we think care for us – chances are the reason you’re feeling lonely (despite the abundance in company) is because you don’t feel connected to the people surrounding you.
Yasis, this was me and it led to unhealthy and toxic relationships throughout my life, bad judgement of character or ignoring the character that they are and continue to still “need” their company to avoid being alone. I had to remind myself that these were temporary spurts of happiness that I kept pursuing to try and avoid this sense of loneliness. I want to call it an addiction – an addiction for constant reminding of your worth and value by other people that don’t necessarily care for you or know you.
Becoming my own best friend has definitely taught me a lot. It’s not an easy journey and sometimes you don’t ask to be put on this journey. But my advice to you is to embrace it. Embrace every moment you’re alone, every breath, every tear and every smile that you give yourself. Being alone is a superpower and once you master that superpower – anyone or anything that attempts to disturb that will lose… Every. Single. Time.
xx
girl about town
girl about town 